Hi guys,
Now that you have shared your writings with your classmates and teacher, it is time for you to post your final version of the paragraph. Then, make final comments on other clasmmate's paragraph and then write a reflexion on how you dealed with the parapgraph writing: the difficulties found, what you learned, what was easy, etc.
I hope to see how you have improved!!
Regards,
Teacher Nallely
My dream house.
ReplyDeleteMy dream house is a place of serenity, love and joy. It is a big house with an enormous backyard with many trees and flowering plants. It is a large and spacious place with a few windows, five bedrooms, all with its personal bathrooms, the living room should have a big television and comfortable armchairs, all my house should have air conditioning and beautiful modern furniture.
In the backyard, I would like a big swimming pool with a slide, so every time I made a party we could use it. Also, I will love to have speakers in every room of my house.
My dream house is a place of happiness and beauty, someday; I hope it will become reality.
Hello Lidice, I realized you've already corrected your mistakes, your paragraph is good and easy to understand. Good job :)
DeleteHello Cecy!
DeleteThank you for your observations, in that way I could improve my mistakes :)
A particular friend
ReplyDeleteI have who is very important for me because we have friends for a long time. My friend is 17 years old, she is tall, thin and pretty. She is a cheerful person and as my friend I think that she is very loving and gentle. She is very special for me, no matter how busy she is. She is a faithful person, she speaks directly and truthfully, I consider her as an honest person, she is imaginative, she shared her thoughts with me and she asks my opinion about what she thinks. She is an optimistic person because she always looks on the bright side of things and she is the person who at all time makes me feel better with her optimism. I think that she is a dependable person and therefore I know that I can always count on her friendship.
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DeleteIt is a good paragraph, but I recommend you not to use contractions because is an academic writing, you should cut some words and make your paragraph shorter. Also, you should use some commas in your paragraph to separate items. I hope you can answer my opinion, good luck!
DeleteOk, I will try to improve those mistakes. Thank you so much for your comment :)
DeleteMy favorite restaurant
ReplyDelete“La Enramada” is a good and perfect place where you can eat excellent food and spend time with your friends or with your family. It has a big beautiful garden where you are able to eat the most delicious and healthiest food you have ever met in your life. Inside the restaurant, there are too many large tables and comfortable chairs where you can stay in until the food arrives. The waiters are helpful, friendly, and polite, because they always help us when we have a problem in our table and they talk us kindly when we are about to order something. There are handsome and interesting people that wear elegant and expensive clothes, because it is a famous restaurant where a lot of popular people go to make new good friends. In conclusion, it is the best restaurant I have been to, because it has a lot of interesting and incredible things.
Your paragraph is complete and your description is correctly, probably you should use synonyms with some words. I think that you did a good job!
DeleteThanks, you are right, I think I should use more vocabulary in my paragraph because I repeat some words like "can". It was hard to do this paragraph because I didn't know which adjetives would be the most effective, I think that used the same words for that reason, but your comment will help me to be careful. Thank you again!
DeleteThe place I go when I am hungry
ReplyDeleteThe restaurant I like the most is a special, popular, and family place. This amazing Mexican restaurant is located near my house, between a beautiful park and a little store; you will easily find it because entrance there is a bright sign that says “Los Cuevas” with red and white lights. It started as a small business in 1979, but now it is a recognized, cozy, and huge, restaurant. As soon as you walk in you can feel the good energy, the smell of delicious food, and of course you can notice that the place is very clean. The employees are really hard working and helpful. I truly recommend this traditional restaurant because the food is well cooked, homemade, and cheap. Finally, what I love most about it is that it has a great service and a wonderful family atmosphere. I feel so happy being there, it is definitely my favorite restaurant because it brings me good memories and at the same time I create new ones.
By: Melina Garza Meléndez
Hi, Mel! well, I didn't find a lot of mistakes in your paragraph, so I don't have too much to say... I see you fixed what I told you to, but... I see something that sounds weird in the third line. When you wrote "...because entrance there is a bright sign that says ´Los Cuevas' ..." I think you should change it for "because the entrance there has a bright sign that says 'Los Cuevas'..." or something like that :) besides that, I think your paragraph is great! Well done!
DeleteOh thank you so much Nelly you are right its because I did not write the preposition "in" and the word "the" before that sentence, thanks for noting that and for commenting my paragraph!
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ReplyDeleteMy favorite character.
ReplyDeleteHarry Potter is my favorite saga,and Ron Weasley is my favorite character.
First, he is thin and ginger, and has a lot of freckles in his face. his eyes are blue and his skin color is white. He has short ears and shot nose. Also, he studies in an awesome and wonderful school called Hogwarts, where he met Harry.
His personality is sh, but also, friendly and fussy. Socially, he just has few friends and he is afraid of spiders. He also has a lot of ginger brothers and only one younger sister.
At the end of the saga, He got married with Hermione Granger, who has white skin,and brown eyes and hair. They had two children, Hugo and Rose. Hugo has,like his father, ginger hair; while Rose has brown hair.
Good :)
DeleteCheck the capital letters ("his eyes are..." and "He got married...") and some wrong words like "shot nose", "sh".
Also, it's "he just has a few friends", add the word "a". ;)
Thank you for your recommendations Jehieli, they helped me to know mistakes that I didn't noticed at the first. I hope I can increase my writing skills practicing them
DeleteA painting: The two Fridas
ReplyDeleteFrida Kahlo did an excellent job on her painting “The Two Fridas” because of its elements. Frida Kahlo painted this artwork while she was getting divorced and it reflects the crisis she had. On the painting we see two women with the same facial expression looking to different directions. Both of the Fridas have different styles and color on their dresses, one of them have a long and white dress with blood drops on it and red flowers too. The second Frida is wearing a blue-yellow t-shirt with a long-green skirt. On the background, we can see some gray and white clouds while the two Fridas are holding their hands. The principal elements are the two connected hearts by one large and tiny vein. Last but not least, on their hands are holding a little brown thread and some gray scissors. Definitely, this painting has too many elements and symbols that share all the feelings Frida had; this is why I love this and all the excellent paintings Frida Kahlo created.
I think this version is better, it sounds magnificent; you really did a great job. Your ideas are clear and you already corrected the punctuation marks I told you about; I remember something about a phrase that probably could be summarized, now sounds better with the correction you did. Well done :)
DeleteThanks, Vanessa. Yeah; when I read it again, some phrases did not sound great so I changed all the mistakes you told me. I just need to use more connectors in my paragraphs. Thanks again! :D
DeleteMy dream house should be big, with many rooms for activities, painted in bright colors inside and maybe red on the outside. The entrance should be spacy, that leads to the living room, which would have a double height ceiling. Behind the living room, there’s the kitchen and there is a door that takes you to the garden, where you can see an outdoor fireplace and the pool.
ReplyDeleteBack inside, in front of the kitchen, there’s the movie room, painted black inside and there’s also a door that leads to the spa. On the second floor you can see the master bedroom, which is a little bigger than the living room; in front of it, there’s the guest room with its own bathroom and a playroom for my nieces and nephews.
I hope to have this beautiful house one day.
Great! You followed a nice order to describe the whole house and the transition words you used were in the correct place and the adjectives helped the reader to imagine the complete house as you described it. I noticed that you included a concluding sentence and it helped to the structure of the paragraph. Good job! :)
DeleteThank you, I always seem to forget to add the concluding sentence but thanks to your help I remembered to correct it.
DeleteMy favorite artist
ReplyDeleteKwon Jiyong, better known as G-dragon, is the most talented and gorgeous k-pop Idol ever. First of all, he is very handsome: he is tall, slim, his hair has always a different color, he has eye-smile; and even when he is 27, he has a baby-face. Besides his physical appearance, he is not famous for anything. He is very hard-working; he actually debuted in a kids group when he was 5 years old, so he has been in the music industry since always. Jiyong is also a compositor, an actor, a model, a rapper, and he is the leader of a k-pop group called Big Bang. He is a simple person when you get to know him. He is very shy, conservative, and polite; but when he is with his fans, he becomes talkative, very lovely, and sometimes kind of sexy. Jiyong is also very intelligent, he always comes up with an amazing and original idea for his come backs, and that is why after all this time he still has a lot of fans who love him. In general, he is practically the perfect model of an idol, and he deserves the fame, attention, and love he has.
Nelly Madelein Montes Mata
. Hello Nelly!
DeleteI am glad you followed my suggestions of changing the apostrophes, you wrote a very effective topic sentence, in general, I can say I really liked your paragraph because it was so descriptive that I could imagine the person you described, I enjoyed reading it and, I think you completed the assignment in a great way, keep going.
Thank you, Melina! I'm glad you think I'm improving, I was very nervious about this course at first but now I feel more confident, and I know I have a lot to learn, but that is what this is about, right? Thank you very much!
DeletePeople like Lilies flowers because they are beautiful and their fragrance smells really wonderful. Because of their smell and beauty, people give them away as a birthday gift for someone special, or also for an important and special occasion like a wedding or an anniversary. On the other hand, people use Lilies as medicine for bronchitis. I am one of those people who like flowers. Lilies (lilium) are my favorite flowers; they are grown in the United States. A Lily is a flower that is really beautiful; its scent is unique. Lilies can be of different colors, the most common colors are: orange, yellow, white, pink and purple. Pink and orange lilies are the most colorful, I really like them! Because petals and sepals are of the same size, people believe that Lilies have six petals, but the truth is that they have only three true petals and three sepals. The petals are the ones that are colorful and fragrant. Lilies have different shapes: trumpet, bowl, recurved, and star. Lilies texture is as soft as a cotton ball. Lilies are an example of how creative God is; of course, He does love art, He is the best Artist. Flowers beautify the world and brighten up our days, don’t they?
ReplyDeleteBy: Brenda Lizeth Flores García.
Hi, Brenda! Well, I don't think I found a lot of mistakes in your paragraph. I think is a good topic sentence and the whole text follows how a descriptive paragraph should be, so I think you did a good job! Keep improving your skills!
DeleteHi, Nelly! Thank you very much for checking my paragraph! And for me this was the easiest paragraph! :D Thankyou! I will! :D
DeleteThe perfect place for vacations
ReplyDeleteSouth Padre Island is one of the most beautiful place for having vacations.The beach is large and clean, it is perfect for surfing and swimming. The water is blue as sky. When you are walking in the smooth sand, you can feel the warm breeze in your cheeks. South Padre Island has a perfect tropical weather with a wonderful bright sun. At night you can see the amazing sunsets over the bay. In addition, it is also one of the best place for fishing and horse riding on the beach. On the other side, it is an exciting, fun, safe, inexpensive, popular, charming, and fantastic tropical paradise.
Hi alejandra
DeleteYou followed a nice order to describe, your paragraph is good! I can notice that you correct the points that I indicated about the use of commas, very good Alejandra.
Yes, Vivi I correct the mistakes, but for me is difficult use the punctuation. I have to practice the punctuation marks. Thanks for you comments.
DeleteI went with my family to Cancún and it was the most beautiful beach I have ever seen. From the hotel we were able to see the big blue ocean and the brilliant sunlights every day. The sand of the beach was yellow and with a lot of white shells. When we entered to the beach we could feel the smoothness of the sand and the cristal clear water crashing with our legs, and in the distance some big boats surrounded by rowdy waves.
ReplyDeleteThe weather there is also great, at the morning and night it’s cool and in the rest of the day there’s a warm climate that allows you to enjoy the whole beach activities there. So next time you want to go to a wonderful place you should visit Cancun then.
Excellent job, the use of adjectives made me feel like I was there, the flow of the paragraph was very coherent. Your paragraph made me want to go to Cancun, great job. :)
DeleteMy Halloween costume
ReplyDeleteMy Halloween costume this year should be awesome. I always wanted to dress up as Harley Quinn from Batman. I like that character because I think she is a strong woman who is partner of the Joker, I also love her weird style. I will start making two ponytails in my hair with black and red hair bands. My face will be painted white with a black mask that will cover only my eyes, and red lips. The body costume will be made of a half black and half red body jumper with diamonds at the side of the legs and shoulders,red and black gloves, and black leather boots. I might use a plastic bat as an accessory to complete the character look, I can't decide yet, but I am sure it would be a great costume.
Hi Dulce, first, Congratulations for your topic sentence, it is very good :D.
DeleteAbout the paragraph, I think it is excellent, you just miss some connectors(I see that you added them). You should use "will" instead of "would"(you changed it) and you forget "will" before cover(you added it) Excellent! :D Keep the good job!
Thank you so much Gerardo, I really enjoy writing this paragraph :)
DeleteI did all the corrections as you told me and I hope to improve even more my writing.
What is heaven like
ReplyDeleteI believe heaven is real and life is the waiting room. Many people have the question about what is next to life, I think the answer is: “Heaven”. If someone asked me what is heaven like, I would say that it is nice, it is the most beautiful place, the best place where you can be.
Heaven is peaceful, pleasant, enjoyable, bright, warm, balmy, cozy, and perfect. There is not pain or death. I know heaven is real and there are a lot of proofs of it. I can't wait to be there because life is hard. I thank God because we only live once. Life is sad and full of evilness. There are death, illness, pain, and suffering.
Hi Jehieli :D I loved your topic, you did a great job, altough, I think you could have written a little bit more about your perspective of Heaven, but it is okay...well done!
DeleteThe most special person in my life is my dad. He is an engineer, during the weekdays he works hard and I cannot see him too much time, but on the weekends he spends a lot of time with us. My father is the kind of person that does not show his feelings a lot. He might not kiss and hug me every single day, but when he does, I feel warm and loved and I really love that. My dad is 42 years old, he is medium heightt and slim, he has short, straight, brown hair. He has small brown eyes and a mustache but he does not have beard. He is smart and honest, he also has a good sense of humor, he is serious and organized. He has always taught me good values like responsability, respect, honesty, perseverance, etc. I love him so much, I thank God every day for giving me such a loving and caring father.
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DeleteHi Cecy your paragraph is really great, i like the coherence in your ideas how you go from why you love him then how he is and all the other stuff, you just need to check it out one more time before publishing it, you added one more letter in a word, but your paragraph is still good, keep up the good work.
DeleteThanks Andrés I didn't realize about that, next time I'll check my paragraph before publishing it :)
DeleteMy girlfriend was beautiful the day I met her. She was standing by the movie theater, her thick, straight, long, black hair gracefully fell down to her shoulders and encircle her beautiful face. When she saw me, her eyes were wide open, the eyeliner she used made them look bigger, her tiny nose was cute, and the red lipstick she was wearing made me want to kiss those beautiful and thick lips she has. She was wearing a nice black and white shirt, which made her body-figure stand out. For her bottoms, she was wearing some sexy, black, skin-tight leggings that made her legs look long, thick, and hot as hell. To finish her outfit, she was using amazing, big, modern, shiny, black pair of high-heels. I will always remember that she definitely choose wisely her clothes, because she was looking amazingly beautiful. Since that day, I felt in love with her.
ReplyDeleteHey Andrés!
DeleteI see that you corrected the mistake you had it makes your paragraph have more coherence and your ideas are well organized ;)
Good job!!
Thanks Lídice your opinion and notes were really helpful making my paragraph better, thanks again for taking your time checking my work. :)
DeleteMy most recent possession is my new, blue, slightly, and medium-sized laptop that I have just bought some months ago. It is not the best laptop but it is nice and works well. Its covering is a little bit different from the other laptops I have seen before because it has some little, highlighted squares on its surface, you can feel them if you touch it. The laptop is not as heavy as many others. Maybe it is not the best thing I could buy but it works as I need and it is always available when I need it. I am not obsessed with my laptop but I am never going to regret of having bought it.
ReplyDeleteHi, Armando! Your paragraph is good! I can notice that you corrected those mistakes that I indicated. You only had a few missing adjectives and subjects. I like the adjectives you used to describe your laptop; I have never seen it but I can imagine how it is :D
DeleteGood job! :)
Thanks for yo help. I hadn't noticed I was wrong in some parts, Ima be more careful whit it now. Im really thankful.
DeleteP.D. Im not obsessed with the laptop, it was just something I took as an example. :D
My Dream House
ReplyDeleteAll people dream with a perfect house but, everyone has a different concept of this. In my case, my dream house would be principally: a comfortable, big, and shiny place; Maybe near the beach -I prefer a house in quiet place because in some neighborhoods there are some problems of violence or the neighbors would be annoying- So, I would like a house with a big kitchen, a movie room, and probably with a beautiful garden; if it was not near of the beach. My room has an amazing view to the beach, a big living room, and a shower with a Jacuzzi. And all of these characteristics would be my ideal house.
Hi, laura!
DeleteYou did a good job with your paragraph. I remembered that I gave you some suggestions about it, one of these was that the first line would sound better if you omitted the comma after the word 'but', and the rest of punctuations marks you already corrected them. The description is good and it makes me imagine your dream house.
Excellent job, Laura :)
Yeah, I fixed these mistakes, I am not really good with the punctuations marks but, I trying to improve it. Thanks for your suggestions.
DeleteMy ideal boyfriend
ReplyDeleteI want a perfect relationship, so I want a boyfriend with some characteristics that are important to me. One thing that my ideal boyfriend should have is to be honest, because lies cause many problems in a relationship and sometimes is the reason why the couples break up. Another characteristic, is that he needs to be a very detail person with me, because I love the details. My ideal boyfriend is a person who has self-confidence and is self-dependent. I want a handsome boy and very tall, because I don't want to date with someone smaller than me, and someone who does sports or loves watching them. But the most important thing that I want in a perfect boyfriend is that he loves me despite my faults and mistakes. This is how my ideal boyfriend should be.
Hi jenny your paragaph is well done I noticed you have some torubles thinking in spanish while you are writing, you sholud check that, nevertheless your grammar is good, even your concluding sentence, just try to check your topic sentence, well done!
DeleteThanks julio, I had some troubles with think in spanish while I am writing, so I'll check those mistakes the next time and will try not to do it again.
DeleteWhen I saw "The sex and the city" movie, I fell in love of the Carrie's gorgeous closet. When she entered to the closet, her smile was huge. The closet had some details such as: enough compartments for a shopaholic woman; a white shelf to store all her shoes, an amazing drawers, a provided specific space to hang each garment, and a space to freely walk around the closet. This closet could make you feel; a succesfull, the fairest, and blessed woman.
ReplyDeleteHello Lea.
DeleteYour topic sentence is good, when I checked your paragraph you had some mistakes. I can see that you correct them but in general you did a great job. I liked your paragraph some much, because I saw the movie and I loved the Carry´s closet
Hi, Ale!
DeleteYes, I already corrected the mistakes about punctuation marks that you said me. Now,my paragraph sounds better and thank you for it. Who does not love the Carrie's closet? Is the perfect dream of any woman!
My pet
ReplyDeleteMy pet is my best friend, his name is Chop he is really cute and lovely but to much restless, he is always barking at other dogs, even to people who is walking down the street. Now he is 1 year old, young but too much fat for his age, I really love that because he is little and look very funny, is fat because he eats twice a day, but eats as if he were an adult. I love other little things about him, when he slept at my bed some nights, that is really cute or when he gets happy when I arrived at home after school. I will always love him and I will do it until his last day.
Hi julio! Your paragraph is really great you done an excellent job. All the description of your pet is good(:
DeleteHello Jenny, thanks a lot for your coment and for improve my paragraph!
DeleteCancun beaches are formed by fine white sand, and clear waters, where you can enjoy many activities and sports; thus we identified it as a beautiful place.
ReplyDeleteChichen Itza is an essential visit, is an important archaeological center and was named on of the seven wonders of the modern world. On the other hand, we have Tulum, which contains important archaeological remains that are beautiful- Also, another of the most beautiful places is isla mujeres, situated in north of cancun; this beautiful Caribbean island offers travels, various turist places for water activities, modern hotels, restaurants, and other luxury facilities.
However, one of the most important attractions of cancun are coral reefs; It is a perfect another for diving lovers.
hi vivi
DeleteYou did a good job with your paragraph, but also I can see that you have some other mistakes. The only advice is that you should keep practicing as much as you can, so you can improve your writing skills.
Hi deisy.
DeleteFor me is difficult the writing . I have to practice much and working more this . Thanks for you comments.
A secure, big and with a lot of antique details would be my dream house. I have always liked antique/baroque style houses. My dream house would have a lot of different kind of rooms which need to be illuminated, big and cozy; including a sports-room. It is very important for me to have an enormous and full of books library, which includes a quiet study room. My dream house also would have, unshakably, an impressive, enormous and extremely beautiful garden with a lot of plants, roses, trees and with a beautiful and crystalline lake, which would have animals living there. Obviously, I would have a tremendous garage that will save my cars inside. Undoubtedly, my dream house would look like a beautiful antique and old-style castle.
ReplyDeleteHi, Vanessa. Your paragraph is excellent; I noticed that you corrected some punctuation marks, it looks better than the last time I read it. Your topic sentence is appropiate for the paragraph and the final sentence too. Nice! :D
ReplyDeleteWell, maybe I needed someone who told me about the different errors that my paragraph had: now that I read the new version sounds better with your advices, thank you so much :)
DeleteMy dream house would be the peaceful and perfect place to live. I would like a house located in a place where the weather is cold most of the year. A large, nice and beautiful lake would be situated nearby the house, I think this would make the house peaceful. For me one of the most important thing that the house has to have is an enormous garden, with a lot of high, big and leafy trees so I could build a tree house and put a swing on a tree, this would make the house more perfect. As I don’t like to turn the lights during the day, it would be convenient and lovely to have a lots of windows in the house, because I love how the house looks with natural light.
ReplyDeleteThe house has to have at least 5 big and comfy bedrooms with huge wardrobes, and bathrooms with bathtub. A big kitchen is necessarily, so we could be able to cook and have diners in family. The living room has to have a big television and large variety of movies, series, etc. And of course, another important thing would be the library with lots of old and new books, a good place to relax. The house I want is the perfect place to live happily and peaceful.
Hi Deisy!
ReplyDeleteWhen I checked your paragraph I saw that you repeated some phrases and punctuation marks but, now I see you fixed. Great Job Daisy.
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Deletethank you for your advices. I tried to correct all the mistakes, but i'll pay more attention in what i write the next time, and i will practice more the punctuation marks, because im not good at that
DeleteMy dream house is the that has complete facility and a wide garden. Actually, my dream house is so simple to make if had a lot of money. In the first floor of my house, I want to have six bedrooms, one for me, one for guest and the rest for my children. In every bedroom, I want to have a complete furniture and bathrooms, table, chair, television, etc. In all bathrooms, I would like to have a shower and the thing to temp te water. In the kitchen, I want a complete furniture, like a big refrigerator, the stove and other things. For the second floor, I will make a big living room,with big windows everywhere, jjust to enjoy the view. At right side, I will make a wide garden filled up, with every kind of fruits and vegetables. Behind of my house I would like to have a swimming pool, because I really like swim and to organize parties with my family and friends. But my real dream house is the place that make you feel comfotable
ReplyDeleteMy lovely dog.
ReplyDeleteDogs are, most of the time, loyal and affectionate with people, especially with his owners. The living truth of this is my dog, Mulan, who is 9 months old. She is a really lovely dog; she is always jumping and scratching the door with her white paws to get my attention. When she was born we were all really happy. She likes to play; she has a joyful spirit and is always full of energy. She is also very sloppy when we play; she keeps falling and hitting everything around her. She is really protective, every time an unknown person approaches to me, she barks. Sometimes, my mom says that Mulan is crazy because of how active she is. For me, Mulan is charming, warm, adorable, and the best dog in the world. We all love her very much.
Esther Lourdes Castillo Gonzalez